You are my family

When I look at the photo above I see pure joy. It was taken on my wedding day many, many years ago. I don’t usually post personal photos here.

I am the oldest of 16 grandchildren. I can picture myself in the place and time of all except the first one’s birth (I was too young). I remember the day Gary was born, we were all at my grandparent’s house, anxiously waiting for the call. I believe the phone was blue, it was hanging on the wall—a rotary phone. At the time, you didn’t know the gender of the baby beforehand, so we waited with excitement for the call. (One of the reasons I decided not to find out the gender of my son before his birth.) With each birth, a different memory. Some I can even pinpoint the day of the week, the weather, and where I was standing.

I am closer in age to my aunts than most of my first cousins. Half of them were born after I went to college. We are slowly scattering across the country and multiple contents but NY is always home-base.

The recent passing of our young cousin Jessie has caught us all off guard. There was already so much sadness in the world and it just made everything so much heavier. I watched many of my cousins (I have hundreds) express their sadness.

Unfortunately I have witnessed many family members and friends passing from long distance. Most of them were at the end of their lifespan so we knew our time was limited. Each time I said goodbye in NY, I said it with intention because I never knew if that time would be the last. I made my peace. I missed many funerals and was ok with it because as Aunt Dot always said, she wanted to see me while she was alive, not after she was dead. I found a path to grieving here in California, mostly at hot sweaty yoga classes. Something about being in that hot room, practicing yoga with other humans, tears disguised as sweat. Except this time there was no yoga studio to go to.

The passing of Jessie hits so much harder. For one she was 22 and about to graduate college. She had overcome so many obstacles in her life and was a story of success. She had two beautiful children she loved dearly. The double whammy is that this occurred unexpectedly in the time of Covid-19. Ten people maximum at a funeral. No room filled with people to share a memory or tear. For a close Italian-American family that spends every moment together, it was difficult enough to social distance but now we are told to mourn social distantly—heartbreaking. My aunt couldn’t have her siblings there to support her.

So where do we go from here? I do not have an answer. I have found a way to honor those I loved dearly that have departed this world in a variety of ways. Cooking the meals they used, flowers in the vase they gave me, etc… I will find a way to honor Jessie but as an immediate way, I have decided to dedicate every single yoga practice to a different cousin beginning with my grandparents 16 grandchildren.

With each death a new song emerges. The current soundtrack playing in my head for the past few weeks is Family, performed by Dar Williams, written by Pierce Ray Pettis.

Can you fix this? It's a broken heart.
It was fine, but it just fell apart.
It was mine, but now I give it to you,
Cause you can fix it, you know what to do.

Let your love cover me,
Like a pair of angel wings,
You are my family,
You are my family.

We stood outside in the summer rain,
Different people with a common pain.
A simple box in that hard red clay,
Where we left him to always remain.

Let your love cover me,
Like a pair of angel wings,
You are my family,
You are my family.

The child who played with the moon and stars,
Waves a snatch of hay in a common barn,
In the lonely house of Adam's fall
Lies a child, it's just a child that's all, crying

Let your love cover me,
Like a pair of angel wings,
You are my family,
You are my family.

Mind • Body • Community • Spirit

When it comes to wellness, people often talk about mind, body, and soul (or spirit). Rarely are the terms wellness, health and community used in the same sentence. A few years ago, while learning more about Italian-Americans, I discovered the town Roseto, Pennsylvania. There were a large number of Italian-American immigrants that settled in this town and stayed for over four generations. Families that have moved away still return to Roseto every year for “The Big Time”, a celebration of the community.

What makes Roseto, PA stand out?
Regardless of diet and exercise, the people in the town of Roseto, as compared to neighboring towns, had fewer heart attacks. Even with a diet high in fat, loaded with pounds of spaghetti, meats, and smoking, the people in Roseto had the lowest rate of heart attacks in the United States. When two doctors realized that people in Roseto were having fewer heart attacks than anywhere else in the country, they decided to investigate. The town was studied over 50 years, looking for the first time beyond individual health habits and into the behavior of people in the community. It was discovered that in Roseto, three generations of families lived together and the community was supportive. People helped each other. People talked to their neighbors. People shared meals with each other. People had less heart attacks. This was named the Roseto Effect. As time went on and the younger generations moved away or spent more time outside of the local community, the numbers of heart attacks were no longer the low numbers they once were.

What can we learn from Roseto?
When community is strong and people are cared for, it can have a positive impact on their stress levels which may overall effect their health. So when we think about being healthy, we need to not only look at diet and exercise, but our greater community. If you want to learn more about the beautiful town of Roseto, watch this segment from the PBS documentary The Italian-Americans.

How I build community
Growing up in an Italian-American family, I witnessed the beauty of large family gatherings. I know at any time I can call a family member with a question or for help with something. I have grown up watching the culture of community within my family, extending our love, kindness, and a meal, to family and beyond. In fact, we’ve unofficially adopted a few friends into our family along the way. I build community by cooking for people and sharing a meal. I enjoy cooking and having a room full of people to feed. I’ve been doing this since I moved to California and I feel it has personally helped me foster the relationships I have here.

This week in my classes, before we began asanas, I asked everyone to introduce themselves to someone they didn’t know and to tell them one interesting thing about themselves. The vibration of chatter in the yoga room was beautiful. People spoke with people they have seen many times before and never even knew their name. At the end of class we closed with a meditation on the person they met in class and then someone they loved dearly in their lives, wishing them both well.

How do you build community?

Sources:

Egolf, B., Lasker, J., Wolf, S., & Potvin, L. (1992). The Roseto effect: A 50-year comparison of mortality rates. Am J Public Health, 82(8), 1089-1092.

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/lead1900_98.pdf

https://www.pbs.org/video/italian-americans-introduction

Peas and Macaroni

Today we are eating Peas and Macaroni to honor my grandmother, Michelina (Mickey). It would have been her 83rd birthday. She had a way of making each person in our family feel like they were her favorite. She would show love and make you feel special by making a pan of eggplant parmigiana or buying them a special gift.

I have so many treasured memories and trinkets in my home from her. One of the meals she used to make was a dish called Peas and Macaroni. I don’t know where this originated but it’s a simple tasty dish to warm the soul on a cold day. My guess is she had to come up with quick, easy, cheap meals to feed a family of eight. I wish I would have asked her to teach me to make any of sauces. I grew up watching my mom make her recipes but I would have loved to see her make them. Rumor has it she always added some sugar to her sauce, or “gravy” as she called it.

This dish has a unique flavored sauce, so it doesn’t taste like a traditional marinara. To me it always reminded me more of like a stew. I hope you will enjoy it and help me celebrate my grandmother.

INGREDIENTS

50 oz of Strained Tomatoes (or a plain tomato sauce that only contains pureed tomatoes. For example cans of Contadina Sauce or jars of Bionature strained tomatoes.)

2 cups of Frozen Petite Peas or 1 can of Petite Peas (I use frozen)

1 cup Ditalini Pasta (measured dry)

1 Medium Sweet Onion

Salt to taste (about 1/8 teaspoon)

1 Tablespoon of Olive Oil

DIRECTIONS

1. Dice the onion

2. Pour olive oil into a large sauce pan and add diced onion.

3. Let the onion cook for 3-5 minutes

4. Add the jars/cans of sauce and let it cook through for about 20-25 minutes

5. Add about 1/8-1/4 tea spoon of salt (Less if your tomatoes contain salt)

6. While the sauce is cooking, bring a small pot of water to a boil and cook the pasta. When the pasta is ready, rinse it under cold water to stop the cooking. Place the pasta in a bowl and add 1-2 spoonfuls of the sauce, mixing it in to avoid the pasta sticking. Set the pasta aside

7. Add the peas. Strain the peas if using a can before adding them. Let the sauce cook for another 5 minutes

8. When sauce is thoroughly cooked, place about 1-2 cups in a storage container and set aside. The ditalini pasta soaks up the sauce quickly so I always put some aside in case there are left overs

9. Add the pasta to the pot of sauce and cook another minute

10. Enjoy!

There will be a lot more sauce than pasta. That’s ok, the pasta absorbs most of the sauce the longer it sits. If you have leftovers, store any extra sauce separate from the pasta. Use it with any leftover pasta or also makes a great pizza sauce. This sauce tastes quite unique, different from traditional marinaras so keep that in mind.